Our Fertility Journey – Julia and Verena 

Julia and Verenas Fertility Journey

Julia and Verena met at work in 2022 and quickly fell in love. The desire to have children was an important topic from the start, and the couple would have preferred to begin their fertility journey earlier. 

The couple from North Rhine-Westphalia in Germany welcomed their daughter, Johanna Marlene, into the world in September 2024.

In this blog post, they share more about their thoughts on having children and their IUI treatment at Diers. 

Preparing for the Fertility Journey

It was important to Julia and Verena that they were married before starting their fertility journey. They also wanted to clarify the financial aspects—for both the wedding and the fertility treatment.

Family and friends knew that the couple was embarking on their fertility journey, but they only shared the exact timing with their closest family members.

Who Should Get Pregnant?

Initially, Julia and Verena thought Verena should try to get pregnant. However, since Julia is the younger of the two, they decided that she would carry their child.

This “switch” was logical for both women, as Julia’s younger age offered higher chances of success and lower risks of miscarriage and complications. Verena didn’t mind not being the one to get pregnant, and it didn’t affect her view of motherhood:

“We agreed that we only wanted one child and decided to take as few risks as possible. So, it was simply a matter of age when deciding who would carry the child.”

Choosing a Fertility Clinic

When we asked the couple how they ended up in Denmark, they said:

“When we googled, Diers Fertility Clinic came up as the second result, and we immediately felt drawn to the website.”

It was clear to Julia and Verena that same-sex couples are treated differently in Denmark than in Germany:

“German clinics are not geared toward lesbian couples. They specialize in treating patients in general and will accept us if necessary, but you don’t feel truly wanted or welcome.”

Additionally, Julia and Verena wanted a closed sperm donor. Since this option isn’t available in Germany, the decision to go to Denmark was quickly made.

A Learning Journey to Aarhus

After finding Diers Fertility Clinic, Julia and Verena booked an in-person consultation about the IUI treatment.

“It was important for us to get to know the clinic in person, so we planned an educational trip to Aarhus.”

The couple drove eight hours to Aarhus and stayed there for four days. This allowed them to explore the city and attend the consultation without stress.

“It was important for us to see the clinic and meet the staff in person before starting treatment. We just wanted to feel comfortable, and that’s easier to gauge in person than over a video call. And we immediately felt at ease!”

The consultation took place in August 2023, and the following week, Julia scheduled all the necessary preliminary examinations with her general practitioner.

The Donor is just a “Starting Help”

Even before the consultation, Julia and Verena agreed that the sperm donor wouldn’t be significant for them. They wanted a No ID-release donor and as little information as possible:

“For us, it was clear that the donor was simply our ‘starting help,’ without whom we couldn’t have a child. But nothing more. That’s why we didn’t need detailed information about his appearance or personality.”

During their consultation at the clinic, it was agreed that the staff would choose a Caucasian No ID-release donor for the couple. Done and done.

The donor’s alias was shared with the couple, but to this day, Julia and Verena know no more about him—a decision that felt completely right for them and their family.

“The donor is not part of our family, and we don’t want to see him in our daughter. We are very grateful to him, but he will never be more than a starting help for us.”

The IUI Treatment

In December 2023, shortly after their wedding, Julia and Verena returned to Aarhus after receiving a positive ovulation test, making it possible to start their first IUI treatment.

“We were very excited but also calm because we had already been to the clinic. We knew where to go and what to expect. On the day of the treatment, it was so special to enter the treatment room, where the sign on the door said, ‘Magic happens here.’

We shared a very intimate moment after the IUI, just the two of us in the room, letting it all sink in. Somehow, it felt unreal what had just happened.”

After the first treatment in December 2023, the couple headed straight home. However, the trip was exhausting, especially since Julia experienced abdominal pain following the IUI.

When it became clear 14 days later that the treatment had not been successful, Julia and Verena decided to plan the second treatment in the upcoming cycle in January. 

The second IUI

This time, the couple planned their return trip differently, making a stopover in Hamburg. This made the entire process much more comfortable, and their gut feeling after the second treatment was more positive than after the first IUI.

Ten days after the second IUI, Julia felt nauseous and immediately thought:

“Either I’m pregnant, or I have a stomach bug…”

Verena didn’t want Julia to take a pregnancy test too early, but the day before the planned test day, she gave in.

Julia took the test, and the result was clear: POSITIVE.

Only Positive Reactions from Those Around Them

Family and friends were overjoyed for the couple, and Julia and Verena also received only positive reactions from their acquaintances.

“Many people are surprised at how easy it is. When people hear about fertility treatment, they often imagine artificial insemination in a lab with extensive hormone therapy.

Many don’t realize how natural the process can be, so they are curious and ask us about it.”

Challenges

While the responses from those around them were overwhelmingly positive, Julia and Verena unfortunately also faced a few hurdles.

The first challenge arose when choosing a hospital for the delivery. The couple had signed up for a delivery room tour and mentioned that they were a same-sex couple. However, this was not considered during the tour.

“They constantly referred to the mother and father. For example, only the father was allowed in the delivery room and to cut the umbilical cord—other companions weren’t allowed. They weren’t prepared for the idea that someone could have a child as a same-sex couple or without a partner. We didn’t feel welcome at all.”

Luckily, there were several hospitals nearby, and Julia and Verena had only positive experiences during the delivery and postpartum care at their chosen hospital. 

Stepparent Adoption

Now that their little one has arrived, the next challenge awaits in Germany: stepparent adoption.

Julia and Verena have submitted the application, but unfortunately, bureaucracy is slow, and it is already apparent that the adoption process will likely be delayed.

Their initial contact with the youth welfare office was also less than positive and somewhat critical. Julia commented:

“It’s just unpleasant… There are probably other families that the youth welfare office should focus on, rather than ours, where the child is as wanted as a child can possibly be.” 

Good Advice

Finally, we asked Julia and Verena to share their best tips for other women and couples.

“We would book the in-person consultation again anytime. Even though it was a long journey, it was so much more pleasant to get to know the clinic in person and have a good gut feeling.

This made the first IUI much less nerve-wracking, even though we were, of course, nervous and excited. But we already knew the clinic, and that was reassuring.”

Take your time!

They also recommend that anyone traveling a long distance consider a stopover on the way home or a longer stay in Aarhus. When the couple did this on their second attempt, they felt much better, and the experience was much more relaxed. And after all, that attempt was successful, so it might not be a bad plan if possible.

Julia also mentioned that she would have liked to know in advance that IUI isn’t entirely painless. The treatment itself was a bit uncomfortable, similar to a gynecological exam, but she experienced abdominal pain on the way home, which she wasn’t prepared for.

This is completely normal and not dangerous, but it’s helpful to know in advance so you can plan for it.

In closing, the couple added:

“We would drive to Diers again anytime. From the very beginning, we felt incredibly comfortable and knew we were in the right place. The atmosphere was just very welcoming and calm, and despite the excitement, everything felt relaxed.”

Thank you, Julia and Verena, for sharing your fertility journey with our readers and for trusting our clinic and the natural IUI treatment. We wish you and your daughter all the best! 
 

Blog post written by Line, Fertility Coordinator at Diers IUI