Two Mothers – Sina and Alina

Two mothers

Two Mothers Whose Hearts Burst with Love for Their Child

We are Sina (31) and Alina (34). We come from Germany, living in the Ruhr area. We fell in love in 2017, got engaged in 2020, and have been married since June 2021.

It was clear to us early on that we shared a common desire to have children. Being a bit traditional, we wanted to get married first before starting a family.

Desire for children as a lesbian couple

As a lesbian couple, we have naturally explored the options for fulfilling our wish to have children. However, it was after our wedding that the idea became more concrete for us as a couple.

We were already familiar with Diers Klinik in Denmark from our previous research. We both immediately knew that this clinic was the right choice for us. We could relate to the clinic’s founder, Liza Diers, who is a homosexual woman and a mother of donor children.

We were also confident that as a same-sex couple, we would feel comfortable and be protected from discrimination there. Despite the distance, we quickly agreed that we definitely wanted to pursue this option.

A relaxed and straightforward treatment process

So, it was a combination of intuition and a feeling of genuine affinity that led us to the decision to travel to Diers Klinik in Denmark. Unfortunately, hadn’t been able to find this in any German clinics. However, to our delight, we were not disappointed.

Even the initial telephone conversation was relaxed, easy-going, and enlightening at the same time. We had countless questions and concerns in our minds about what was to come.

We had expected to be met with certain requirements and complications, but it turned out to be incredibly simple.

After the initial consultation, we were able to choose a sperm donor right away and could proceed to the IUI treatment in the next cycle. And in the twinkling of an eye, it was done.

As with many things in our lives, we simply followed our instincts when selecting the donor. We didn’t have any specific criteria. We reviewed the profiles and eventually we both just thought, “Yes!” (Yes, both of us chose the same donor 😉).

An uncomplicated path to family happiness – or not?

We feel incredibly fortunate that our second attempt was successful. Seeing that positive test result was almost unbelievable. We could hardly believe it was true.

We had prepared ourselves for a much longer and more challenging journey. We are still grateful today that everything happened so quickly and easily, allowing us to now live happily together as a family.

However, unfortunately that’s not the whole truth.

According to German law, only one of us can be recognized as the mother of our son. Sina has to go through a stepchild adoption process to establish her motherhood.

Despite initiating this process immediately after our child’s birth, we are still not equal parents under the German law even after seven months.

We are currently awaiting a home visit from the youth welfare office, where they will assess whether Sina has established the necessary parent-child relationship to our son (this is, to be frank, highly absurd!). This assessment must be forwarded to the family court who will then make the decision regarding Sina’s stepchild adoption.

Diversity should be the norm

We hope that before our child’s first birthday, the adoption process will be completed, and we will finally have on paper what we already know in our hearts:

We are Two Mothers Whose Hearts Burst with Love for Our Child.

This is the most significant discrimination we have faced as a lesbian couple so far.

However, what bothers us is that we live in a system where only one “correct” family model seems to exist – namely, the father-mother-child model.

No matter where we go with our child, people always assume that the counterpart to a mother is a father. Most people seem to be unaware of or ignore the existence of diverse family models in their vocabulary.

We sincerely hope that our son will grow up in a world where diversity no longer has to be fought for but is taken for granted.

Blogpost written by Alina and Sina.