Two mums – Heart mum and tummy mum

Two mums

Two mums: Michelle and Anna’s story

Michelle (28) and Anna (30) became proud mums to their son Aiden last year. The couple, from near Bremen, have known each other since 2013. They quickly became a couple, and Anna proposed on Michelle’s 18th birthday. They were married in October 2015.

Aiden Diers Klinik

We were privileged to accompany Michelle and Anna on their fertility journey here at the clinic. Michelle became pregnant at Diers Klinik, and they both refer to her as the “tummy mum,” while Anna is the “heart mum.” In this blog post, you can read their story and learn more about their experience at our clinic.

Early desire for children

Although Michelle and Anna met at a young age, it quickly became clear that they wanted to start a family together in the future. Even before they were married, they were thinking about having children.

Initially, it was Anna who wanted to try to get pregnant. The attempt was made using the cup method with a private donor. The attempt was unsuccessful, but the couple explains they were not that serious about having children at the time. Therefore, it was not a major disappointment when the attempt failed.

Five years later, the desire to have children resurfaced, and this time the couple was more determined. In 2020 and 2021, Michelle and Anna tried again to conceive, using home insemination, which was still legal at the time.

They ordered sperm from a sperm bank 3-4 times for vaginal insemination. Unfortunately, these attempts were also unsuccessful.

Thoughts about the fertility journey

Michelle and Anna had many thoughts about having children, and their minds were constantly at work:

  • How does this even work?
  • Which one of us will get pregnant?
  • What do we need to get checked out first?
  • Private donation or fertility clinic?
  • What are the costs?

They were both really worried that it might not work out at all.

Known donor

The topic of donors first came up in 2015 when Michelle and Anna tried to get Anna pregnant using the cup method.

“We were on various forums at the beginning and thought about using a donor from the internet. However, we decided it wasn’t for us.”

For their first try at home, the couple received sperm from a donor they knew. However, today, the couple says that this option is no longer viable for them.

Initially, they didn’t have the money to proceed with a sperm donor from a sperm bank, so they opted for the cheaper route. Later, it became very important to Michelle and Anna that there should be no father involved. Even the option of an “uncle,” who might want to see the child more than initially anticipated, was no longer an option for them.

Donors from the sperm bank

When the couple started looking into home insemination with donor sperm from sperm banks in 2020, they discovered SellmerDiers Sperm Bank (now Born Donor Bank) online.

In the years between trying the cup method and considering home insemination, the couple had taken a break from trying to conceive.

“In that time, we also matured. And it was during this time that we decided that only a closed sperm donor was an option for us.”

Michelle and Anna quickly agreed that a no ID release donor was the perfect fit for them. They discussed everything in great detail and made all their decisions together.

Unfortunately, Anna wasn’t able to get pregnant for health reasons. So, the treatment was now going to be done with Michelle, and it was clear that Anna was going to be the heart mum.

When Anna and Michelle looked at the donor profiles, it was very important to them that there was a certain resemblance to the heart mum. They quickly agreed on the final choice of donor.

The path to the fertility clinic

After several unsuccessful attempts at home insemination, Michelle and Anna decided to pursue fertility treatment in a clinic.

Choosing Diers Klinik was an easy decision for Michelle and Anna. They had used the SellmerDiers sperm bank (now Born Donor Bank), and the staff there recommended our clinic.

Going to a German clinic wasn’t an option for them for two reasons:

  • The costs are much higher in Germany.
  • Using a no ID release donor is not legal in Germany.

They booked their first appointment at Diers Klinik in December 2021. Michelle recalls:

“I remember it like it was yesterday. We were both so excited!”

Michelle, as the mum-to-be, had all the necessary tests done by her gynaecologist after the consultation. The couple bought the recommended ovulation tests from Clearblue and Facelle.

In January, Michelle and Anna took a holiday to Aarhus to start their first treatment. The first IUI treatment was carried out at our clinic on 26 January 2022.

“The whole experience at Diers Klinik was wonderful. There was absolutely no discomfort! The treatment was well explained, and we felt so well looked after, like we were in good hands. It was almost like being at home.”

Waiting for the positive pregnancy test

Unfortunately, the first attempt in January 2022 didn’t work out, and four further treatments also failed to produce two lines on the pregnancy test. The first three attempts were very close together.

“In the middle of 2022, we had to take a break as it was no longer compatible with work at the time. However, Anna was very happy that it turned out that way. She suffered a lot with me and couldn’t stand to see how bad I was feeling because it just wasn’t working out.”

The break was beneficial for both of them to recharge their batteries:

“In the beginning, of course, you were still very much in your head during the break. You always thought you might have done something wrong, not prepared properly or something like that. But at some point, it became less, and you could take a real break and just not think about it for a while.”

In the meantime, the two also considered whether IVF treatment might be a sensible option. However, Michelle and Anna agreed they didn’t want to give up hope just yet and decided to continue with further insemination treatments.

The last IUI attempt

After five failed IUI treatments, the couple decided to try one last time. Michelle says, “Anna didn’t want to drive this time. I asked her to try one last time, and I was so happy when she said yes! And then it worked! I still can’t believe it sometimes.”

Just 10 days after the insemination, Michelle felt the urge to take a pregnancy test.

“I knew that it was a bit silly to test so early, but my inner self told me to.”

When Michelle looked at the result, she could hardly believe it. There was a second, faint line visible. She showed Anna the test and, wouldn’t you know it, she could also see the second line! They were in shock. So, Michelle went to the nearest chemist and bought several pregnancy tests.

“Positive – all of them, more so every day. We’re finally, finally having a baby!”

“We were so happy that we often cried tears of joy. Sometimes we still do today, and it’s still as wonderful as it was then! As I write these lines, I look at my gorgeous boy and my wonderful wife and feel pure, true happiness and infinite love.”

Tips from Michelle and Anna

When we asked Michelle and Anna for their best tips for other women and couples who want to have children, they shared one key piece of advice:

“Just go, my friend! If you’re looking for a way to make your dreams come true, why not travel to Denmark? Don’t lose hope! It will all be worth it in the end, I promise! And the lovely folks at Diers Klinik will be there for you every step of the way.”

If you’re travelling as a couple, the two mums say it’s crucial to hold on to each other.

“It’s a difficult path – for everyone – go down it together and not against each other.”

Another tip, which Michelle herself describes as “easier said than done,” is to try to switch off your mind. The whole process and journey to having a baby can be difficult and stressful, so it’s a good idea to keep your mind occupied with other things:

“The fertility journey is not an easy one. You worry so much. You do so many tests; blood tests, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests. Take lots of vitamins, stop drinking, stop smoking. So, try to clear your head, go on holiday, do something nice. Don’t even think about having children.”

If only Michelle and Anna had gone to the clinic earlier, everything would have been so different.

“Don’t even think about trying home insemination, because everyone at the clinic knows what they’re doing, and that alone makes you feel better.”

It took three long years for Michelle and Anna to finally reach their goal. As they say themselves, it was three years of ups and downs, but they got there in the end! Thankfully, it was all worth it!

Katrin Solomutter

“It was totally worth it! We drove all those kilometres, got up at 3 a.m. and paid for everything ourselves. We went this way just for us, together.

And today, we have our beautiful baby boy! What a miracle! We really hope that everyone who tries as hard as we did will get the result they’re after – we are absolutely sure they will!”

Thank you both so much for being so open and honest about your journey. Your Aiden is so lucky to have you as his tummy mum and heart mum!

Read our blog post about “the mum-and-mum confusion”

In rainbow families with two mothers, it can be quite confusing if both are called “mum”. Michelle and Anna have been very creative and decided to call themselves “tummy mum” and “heart mum”. In our post “Mum and mum – who is who?”, you can read about how other rainbow families solve the “mum-and-mum confusion.”

Blog post written by Line, Fertility Coordinator at Diers Klinik.