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Becoming a single mother by choice – Lydia’s story
Single mothers by choice are becoming more and more common. Here at Diers Klinik, we treat a lot of single women who want to have a child without a partner. Actually, almost half of our insemination treatments are single women who are inseminated with donor sperm.
Our customers often ask us if we meet many women in the same situation as theirs. A lot of single women feel that they are the only ones going down this road without a partner, and it can feel like a kind of transboundary experience.
However, we can assure them that they are definitely not alone. In Diers Klinik we treat more and more women choosing this family form as they don’t want to wait for the right partner to have their dream child. The number of single mothers by choice is rising constantly.
One of these women is Lydia. Lydia comes from Wolfsburg in Germany. She is 34 years old and gave birth to her baby boy, Leo, in November 2021.
Lydia has been so kind to share her story about becoming a single mother by choice with us and anyone interested. Thank you so much for your inspiring story, Lydia!
Enjoy the reading!
Considerations around using a sperm donor
I’ve known since I was very young that I wanted children. But at the same time, I have always lacked the right partner. At the age of 25, my desire to become a mother grew stronger. So, I started to search for information on the topic of sperm donation more intensively. I watched a lot of documentaries and TV programmes on the subject to find out if this path was a possibility for me.
Over the years the topic of using a sperm donor kept circling in my mind. Unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone who had become a single mother by choice in this way that I could ask. This would certainly have been very helpful on my decision-making path.
Finding the right fertility clinic
In the year 2020, when Covid was at its peak, I had a lot of time to spare, which I used to get closer to my goal of becoming a single mother.
I started searching for clinics online and very quickly found Diers Klinik in Denmark. It all sounded very easy and uncomplicated, which later turned out to be the case as well.
At the clinics in Germany, it all seemed a bit more difficult, which discouraged me from contacting them further. I thus didn’t get treated in Germany at all, but quickly decided to make the trip to Denmark. The journey by car to Aarhus takes approx. 5.5 hours, which was manageable.
I booked an appointment for the initial consultation with Diers Klinik and felt very comfortable and welcome from the first moment.
When they told me that I could start treatment already in the next cycle, I honestly panicked a bit. But at the same time, I was also just super happy and ready to get started.
Support from loved ones is crucial for a single mother by choice
My parents and some close friends had known for a long time that I wanted a child. They also knew that I was considering getting pregnant with the help of a sperm donor. The reactions were all positive.
I talked a lot with my parents about this possibility, as I was also aware that I would need help once my child was born.
My parents supported me 100%. This also contributed to the fact that I didn’t have many worries beforehand about how things were going to go. Today, my parents still support me, and they are a huge help in my everyday life with my son. For this I am deeply grateful.
Reactions and curiosity
Of course, I also had a lot of thoughts, such as, “What are people going say about my choice?”. But in the end, I was aware that the decision was entirely mine, and it was my greatest wish to have a child. No one should be allowed to prevent me from pursuing happiness. And I didn’t want my happiness to be dependent on a partner either.
From my network, I have experienced only positive reactions. Many have expressed great respect for my decision to become a single mother by choice.
Some have also asked in-depth questions about the whole process as they themselves consider going this route with sperm donation to achieve pregnancy. I am only happy to be asked the questions as I hope to be able to support others by informing on the subject.
An emotional process towards pregnancy
Unfortunately, it took me longer than hoped to achieve pregnancy. In total, I was at Diers Klinik 9 times to be inseminated before I finally got pregnant.
Therefore, the road to pregnancy was also very emotional and nerve-wracking. I shed a lot of tears during the process, which at times was very hard to be in. My gynaecologist in Germany was nice to advise me. And after some failed attempts, I had an examination of the passage in the fallopian tubes done.
The nice staff at Diers Klinik also continuously provided good and professional guidance, and my friends and family were ready to comfort and encourage me in the darkest moments. For me, giving up was never an option!
In March 2021, we finally succeeded, and the pregnancy test was positive. In November 2021, my son, Leo, was born, and all I can say is that he is completely perfect.
He is a wonderful, funny and beautiful boy who has completely turned my life upside down. I couldn’t be happier.
Being a single mother by choice is a rollercoaster ride
Being a single mother by choice is the most amazing experience, but sometimes also the most challenging task I have ever faced in my life.
The first weeks were sometimes very hard, but we quickly found our rhythm, and gradually we have become a good team, my son and I.
Of course, there will always be situations where I reach my limits. But with the help of my family and my friends, it works really well for me, and occasionally I also get some time for myself, which I value very much.
Before I started the treatment, I didn’t think much about what it would be like to become a mother. I trusted that everything would go well, since every child is unique after all. And that’s also how it turned out for us.
Good advice for future single mothers by choice
My most important advice to other women who are considering becoming a single mother by choice is: Jump into it if it’s your greatest desire!
At the same time, however, you must also be prepared that the road can be hard and emotional. This applies to both the actual journey towards pregnancy and the time afterwards. I can only emphasise how important it is to have good support from family and friends throughout.
To all of you who are about to start the journey or are already on your way, I wish you the best of luck!
Lydia