coming out as a lesbian

I’m a lesbian

Liv Gro was married to a wonderful man, and together they had two beautiful children. But, in her early 30’s she began to feel that it was no longer right for her. Because Liv was a lesbian.

Women are lovely too

Naturally, it was a confusing time for Liv Gro, who had never before given it a thought that she might be a lesbian. However, she also couldn’t ignore the feeling of no longer fitting into her nuclear family.

She explains that it wasn’t something that suddenly happened. It came flowing over some time. She had never thought that anything was missing, or that she had held anything back.

A lot of different things just happened that made me realize that women were also lovely.

This thought was both wonderful and exciting, but also very scary. Liv Gro was very unhappy about it for a while. She did not want to hurt her children or her husband of 15 years in any way.

But once the door was ajar, and she had ventured out that way, there was no turning back. Because it was also clear that she was not bisexual, so staying with her husband was never an option. At the same time, she hadn’t met a woman with whom she had fallen in love either. So it wasn’t fair to say that this was why she wanted a divorce.

Telling your husband you’re lesbian

It was an extremely difficult situation, and Liv Gro is happy to be on the other side of it today. When it all started, she also became somewhat angry with her body. She felt that it was failing her because she no longer wanted men.

However, it was also exactly this feeling that led to the marriage not being sustainable anylonger for neither her nor her husband.

After Liv Gro realised there was no way back, she had to tell her husband, which was the worst part of it all. She describes that she is still a bit traumatised by the situation. It was terrifying to have to tell him that she preferred women now. She knew he would probably instinctively feel that he had been fooled all along, which he certainly hadn’t.

At the same time, I was well aware that once I said it out loud, I couldn’t go back. It was very scary.

The children’s reaction

Of course, the children also had to know that their mother and father were no longer a couple. Eventually Liv Gro would also have to tell them that she was in a relationship with a woman. The children actually just giggled at this, and then there was not much more to deal with.

At the same time, Liv Gro has made an effort to always make room for the children’s questions. They can talk about everything, and over time, more questions have been added, as they gain a better understanding of things.

Coming out at a late age

When you come out at the beginning of your 30s, many people wonder: Has she been hiding something all these years? Has she taken her husband for a fool?

However, Liv Gro emphasises that this was never the case. She fully understands those thoughts. But at no time in her life has she felt that she was hiding something from herself or her husband. It was the right thing for them to get married and have their children together.

Especially in the beginning, she experienced having to come out again and again and explain herself to people in her social circles. This was was really hard at the beginning, but now she doesn’t mind. The children’s school had to know.  And as it didn’t really matter to anyone at work, it felt quite invasive that it had to be brought up there all the time as well.

Difficult to come out to parents and friends

In addition, it was very difficult for Liv Gro to have to tell her parents about her new life situation. Her parents were upset enough about the divorce, and then there was “this” on top of it. It took some time for them to understand their daughter. Looking back, Liv Gro admits that she probably should have included them more in the process.

In addition, Liv Gro thought about the consequences of coming out, especially to her friends who had known her for a long time. She wonderered if they would still change clothes in front of her. If would they see her with different eyes now that she was gay. Fortunately, it turned out that it was not a problem at all, and today she laughs at these silly thoughts.

A new world

As Liv Gro had been with her now ex-husband since she was 18 years old, it was a long time since she had been “on the dating market”. She didn’t intend to find a new partner or a new family, she just wanted to find someone like herself.
She started going out on the town to meet new people. She actually met many interesting people, but most of them were much younger than her. So, it didn’t seem quite right for her.
In her quest to find like-minded people, Liv Gro also came across a series of TV programmes about a woman who was in exactly the same situation as herself. The woman had also come out very late. She put into words the feelings connected with breaking up with her family, and how hard it was. It was the first time Liv Gro could see herself in another woman, and it gave her some peace.

Meeting Gitte

Of course, Liv Gro also googled a lot to find out where she could meet like-minded people. She found a sports club for homosexuals which offered dancing and other sports. Liv Gro wrote to the club to hear more about what they offered. She got a reply from Gitte, who was the dance teacher.
In my world, the name “Gitte” was an “old person’s name”.
So, Liv Gro certainly did not expect to meet her future partner when she showed up at the dance hall for the first time.
In the sports club, she met a new circle of friends. They went into town and hung out, and things developed from there with Gitte.
Contrary to Liv Gro, Gitte has always known that she was a lesbian. Therefore,  they were in two very different places in their lives when they met. Gitte was used to living alone, while Liv Gro had just left her home and her husband, and had brough two children with her.
However, in the end it didn’t matter, and neither of them really had a choice – they had to be together.

The desire for having a child together

Liv Gro and Gitte have now been together for 8 years, and 1.5 years ago they had their little daughter via fertility treatment with a sperm donor. The couple had continuously talked about having children together, but it was not something they were in a hurry to do.

Having a child with Gitte didn’t feel very different from when Liv Gro planned to have children with her husband. Gitte is her partner, just like her husband was then, and the only difference was that both partners now had the opportunity to be pregnant.

Liv Gro didn’t care who of them became pregnant, as the biological aspect was not important to her. At the same time, Gitte would like to try to become pregnant, and since Liv Gro had never thought it was that great to be pregnant, it was a relatively easy decision.

Fertility treatment

The couple also easily agreed on the choice of donor. Gitte went about it very systematically, and they agreed to look for “the male version” of Liv Gro. They had requirements regarding appearance, education and also personality, as they wanted the donor to be creative and exuberant like Liv Gro.

Both think it was very easy to sense if they had the right chemistry with the donor profiles. Moreover, it was very touching when they agreed on which donor they wanted to go with.

Gitte had a total of 7 insemination treatments here at Diers Klinik, and after the first 4 treatments the couple were advised to change donor, which Liv Gro found very hard. As the total of 7 attempts were unfortunately unsuccessful, they switched to IVF treatment, after which Gitte became pregnant on the first attempt.

One big rainbow family

Liv Gro’s two older children were told early on that Gitte was pregnant and that they were to have a little sibling. They both became very happy, but then also very confused. According to Liv Gro, this probably had to do with some comments they received at school regarding biological siblings.

To this day, they can still be confronted with the fact that their little sister is not their “real” sister. Luckily, the children know better and love their little sister.

There has always been room for the children to ask any questions. And Liv Gro has always talked a lot with them about the fact that you can easily love people, even though you are not biologically connected to them.

Advice for others in the same situation

Liv Gro places great emphasis on the fact that she found it difficult to find someone to reflect upon when she came out. It seemed that no one else had been where she was now. Except for the woman from the TV show, who had also divorced her husband because she was a lesbian.

That’s why Liv Gro didn’t hesitate for a second to tell her story to our blog. It is important to her that others can see that they are not alone. That it can end happily, even if the road to get there is hard.

You can get through it. And the more open you are about things, the better you get through it. This actually applies to all perspectives in life.

We have asked Liv Gro to give her best advice to women who may find themselves in a similar situation, doubting whether they are in the right place in life. She gives the following answers.

No way back

Once you are in the doubt phase, it is only a matter of time before you are honest with yourself. It can be a long process, but there is no turning back – so take the plunge!

Do it soberly

The situation is probably quite impossible for a lot of people, but Liv Gro can only advise you to try to make it as sober as possible. Realise that it can be difficult for others to understand and lean on people who support you. You are not alone in the process.


For Liv Gro, therapy was an important part of getting through the whole process. She went to couples therapy with her ex-husband so that they could talk things out and come out stronger as a family.

It was all worth it

Liv Gro concludes that the whole journey, including all the ups and downs and all the emotions that come with it, is worth it when you land on the other side.
I hope that by telling my story, I can give women who are in the doubt phase the courage to jump into the adventure and do the right thing.